YO WHAT'S UP BASS COMRADES, IT'S ME YOUR BOY KIM JUNG SKRILL AND I'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME FOR A CHANCE TO HOLLER AT YA'LL SERIOUSLY. MY BETTER KNOWN, 5-MINUTES-LATE, LOSER-TWIN BROTHER, KIM JUNG IL, OR AS I LIKED TO CALL THAT SMALL-MAN -COMPLEX-CONTROL-FREAK, LIL' KIM FUCKEN DIED ON ME. SO THAT WAS KIND OF A LOT OF WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS AND I FINALLY GOT THE BALLS TO GET THIS SICK HAIRCUT NOW THAT MY BROS' NOT AROUND TO HOLD ME DOWN AND BUST MY BALLS, THAT DICTATING PRICK. LIKE HE HAS THE NERVE TO CUT OFF MY INTERNETS FOR FUCKS SAKES. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A FACEBOOK FAN PAGE OR ANY SHITTY SELF-ABSORBED YOUTUBE RANTS.
LIKE I GOTTA A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO. LIKE I JUST BOUGHT A MACBOOK PRO, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE I GOT SPOKESMAN DEAL WITH DELL TO MAKE, DARE I SAY SOME SKRILL? SAYING "DUDE I GOT A DERR!" IS MAKING ME A LITTLE BIT OF COIN. PEOPLE ARE GONNA FREAK WHEN THEY SEE THAT APPLE LOGO ON MY SHIT AT MY COFFEE SHOP. LIKE A BOSS. OH WAIT, I HAVE TO GO INTO A SOUTH KOREAN STARBUCKS TO USE INTERNET MY BAD. IRONY IS I'M NOT THE BOSS. I'M IN A TONY DANZA SITUATION SERIOUSLY.
I DON'T EVEN GET THE KEYS TO THE ROYCE AFTER THIS MOTHERFUCKER DIED. IT'S ALL GOING TO MY SPOILED BITCH OF A NEPHEW, UN. LIL KIM BARELY LEFT ME SHIT AND TOOK THE PIN NUMBER FOR MY ATM CARD TO THE GRAVE. LIKE I SAID CONTROL-FREAK. I HAD TO STEAL THESE SHADES AFTER HE DIED. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF IT WAS AN OPEN CASKET. BUT I FEEL GOOD, I'VE BEEN DOING YOGA AND WATCHING REGIS AND KELLY. I JUST GOT CABLE AND WTF HAPPENED TO REGIS? HE DEAD TOO NOW? HE LOOKS DEAD. GODDAM, LIL' KIM AND REGIS MIGHT HAVE THE SAME AFFLICTION TO XO COGNAC AND BONER PILLS.
AND SHIT WTF IS THIS SHIT CALLED DUBSTEP? WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SKRILLEX DUDE AND I GOTTA SAY HE'S BITING MY SHIT WITH THIS HAIRCUT AND STUNNER SHADE COMBO. BUT WTF DO I KNOW, I JUST SAW THE INTERNET FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY. SO I GOT OVER DUBSTEP REAL QUICK. I FIGURE I HAVEN'T LISTENED TO A DECENT SONG IN 60 YEARS SO I WASN'T JUST GONNA LOW-BALL MY OPTIONS.
BUT I GOTTA ADMIT I HATED LIL KIM BUT WE HAD SOME SERIOUS GOOD TIMES. ALL THOSE CASES OF COGNAC, BOLIVIAN COCAINE AND CUBAN CIGARS, EXCEPT MY BRO LIKED TO GO A LITTLE TOO HARD. HIS LIVER WAS THE EQUIVALENT OF FOIE GRAIS, BUT MADE FROM A RETARDEDLY RICH, ALCOHOLICS LIVER, AND HE ALSO MADE EARLY 90'S RAP VIDEOS LOOK LIKE AN OSAMA BIN LADEN OR MUAMMUAR GADAFFI RANT. WEAK. SHIT THEY'RE DEAD TOO.
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I'M GONNA MAKE LIKE JEEZY AND RETIRE BEFORE I SAY SOME STUPID SHIT AND THEY BLAST ME LIKE 2PAC OR GIVE ME CANCER LIKE THEY DID BOB MARLEY. I'M OUT. UNTIL MY NEXT WI-FI CONNECTION. PEACE.
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